Do you have days like these?
I keep to myself, I stay in my home or better even my bed.
I prefer not to talk much.
I feel challenged with almost anything.
I had a few of those in a row.
I want to take the express train through them, pretend I do not exist here and now, and hibernate unconsciously until I’m feeling better.
I guess we all experience these days. Not just as bereaved parents.
New Normal?
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These are usually the days I don’t express much.
The little amount of sharing about those ‘low-life-moments’ in general makes me wonder how much goes into learning that we
- shouldn’t moan
- focus on the bright side of life
- should be more happy, less sad
- move on
- …
I have been conditioned like this. There are advantages and then there are the downsides – like where my mother thought and convinced herself she was a burden by being depressed and took the exit…
As a mother who is ‘lucky’ to raise a surviving twin…
- I should be happy that, at least, I have one
- I should be grateful to have been able to carry the identical twins
- I mustn’t be yearning to have a sibling for AM given my age
- I need to appreciate the life I have
- I must move on
- I have to be more this and less that…
Self-criticism seems on the rise when I’m on the downward slide. I know this is normal. I work with clients on exactly those issues and am good (according to them) at supporting them to move through it.
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Yet, I’m human.
I’m under the influence of being utterly human.
Prone to emotional swings.
Since the emotional intensity of experiencing and journeying with grief, I notice I’m far more sensitive. My stability in states like self-confidence, self-belief, patience, and trust (just to name a few)… has improved again since my losses, but they are still wonky.
This might be part of the New Normal me. The parts I still struggle with.
Who knows how and where this will develop toward?
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For now, I acknowledge and accept myself for where I am at this moment.
No matter how many years have passed since my losses, no matter the life I’m living, no matter the number of children I raise…
Do you acknowledge and accept yourself, for where you are in this moment?
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[Acknowledging and Acceptance are Step 3 of the Couple’s Grief Integration Model described in my book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple. The steps also apply to one’s self]
Image by Nathalie Himmelrich